When is it the right way of the write day? The solutions aren't so simple.
The chains that bind my creativity are solely in my head and I am unsure how to shed my bonds. If my dreams are to be believed, one day I will have to make a difficult choice between two seemingly similar concepts. The similarities are only a facade as one choice takes me to happiness and the other leads into the depths of hell. In my dreams I always make the wrong decision. I wonder if this dream is an extension of my feelings that the world hastily left me behind. I am not Job and my faith occasionally wavers. I wish I could be more helpful to others who feel this way. I am no expert, but I am willing to give advice if it is solicited. On the other hand this is not a self help book. Where am I going with this? What is life? Life is the sum of everything you experience. Your hopes, dreams, thoughts, prayers, and feelings all rolled up into you. Combining the good, bad, and indifferent to make a bouillabaisse that encompasses us all.
Could I write a love story? I wasn't man enough to be what she needed. It haunts me as the single greatest failure I have ever achieved. Beautiful is a dime a dozen, easy going with a sense of humor is much more difficult to find. Add intelligence and a kind heart it makes the perfect person, but is nearly impossible to find in others. And if I ever found the combination again would I deserve the person who possessed it? So I came to the realization a few years ago but I put off writing about it for a bit. I think I am finally ready to put this into my journal. I am the only person to blame for all the mistakes made in my life. Some of you might be shocked to hear me say this and still others are wondering why it took my twenty something years to figure it out. And I am willing to admit that I have been blaming my failures on other people for a long time. I still don't fell like I should have many regrets. I learned from this things that I screwed up and I will use that wisdom to guide me going forward. I did but a few bridges that would be nice to have available to me, nut since I torched them I have to live with that decision. It is time for Ben to place the responsibility on how he turned out on Ben. I am somewhat ashamed that it took me this long to figure this out.
Life is simple, make choices and don't look back live with the consequences. Wasn't the choice to live the life or give up? It is never that simple. We live in a world that is itself grey. The options are many and sometimes difficult to distinguish among. What happened to doors 1, 2, or 3? Now the number is nearly infinite. I sometimes feel like the choices themselves have become the prison. It is almost as if they gave us this many options to keep us occupied. It is a damn fine strategy if I may say so. What better way to bury a person that to do it with the illusion of choices? The prison is then in the mind of the individual and not made of actual stone. The digital age was supposed to bring new freedom not admonish it outright.
I am a hypocrite. I reap the full bounty of this world we live in on a daily basis. If it wasn't obvious by this point I have no formal training in prose. I mostly cobble together thoughts, dreams, and rants into type form as a means of dealing with life. I do think I would like it very much to be a writer one day. And by that I mean to support myself totally just by writing. If it never happens then that would be okay as well. I would like to hear from others about what and why they write so don't hesitate to contact me.
I have decided that with my time in the dating pool that dating for looks is foolish. I feel like I wasted too much time going for people that I considered 'good looking.' And if it was painfully obvious to everyone else but me then I am the fool. It is so very much more important to date someone based on mutual interest and hobbies. Now I need to figure out where to meet single women who like to write and read. When I was in school I used to write about Poe a lot. I wanted to write like him and tried to model my life after his (not my best idea.) The funny part is that all that 'dark' writing these days would get a young person in trouble.
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